On and Off the Road

I always commute when I do field work but today I got to hitch a ride with the office vehicle which was to bring the promo collaterals to the field office for the BIG event. Frankly I'd rather commute for all the wrong reasons. I'm such a sleepy head that I sleep almost three-fourths of the way every time I go out of town. Yeah I know it is a travel hazard but I really couldn't help it. Either that or I get nauseous and you know what comes after that. So the idea of commuting and being awake for the whole 4-hour trip makes me nauseous as it is. It didn't help that I had to strike some friendly conversation with our driver if only to make him feel that we he wasn't driving for some aloof employee who never even bothered to.

What I didn't expect was that I actually enjoyed it! I managed to pull up a friendly conversation and learned a few things that I might have not known had I dozed off to dreamland. Here goes his 10:

1. He has four children, three are working and the youngest is 9 years old.
2. He's Baptist by affiliation while his wife is a Catholic and his youngest child is going to a school run by the Adventist church
3. All his 3 children were scholars during their college days.
4. Before working for our office he was working as an OFW in Saudi. He was entertaining the idea of working in Saipan. Never had second thoughts about not working there with the kids growing up the way they did.
   
5. He loves gardening and does some landscaping at home.
6. He used to own 80 fighting cocks and plays with some well recognized people long before their political careers even existed
7. He's got this slip disk condition on his neck. Had to take medication worth at least P2,000.00 a month, go on rehab sessions thrice a week. But because of the activities coming one after the other, he's missed his medication (can't take it while driving, makes him groggy) and he hasn't had therapy for a month now.
8. If he gets a good deal, he'd rather retire early and find work somewhere else.
   
9. Wouldn't be seen eating Jollibee food products unless it was for free.
   
10. He goes fishing during weekends.
    

Another intimate conversation over lunch

The reason why I had to go out of town was to facilitate this request by the provincial office to have this equipment appraised for disposal purposes. And since I was from the regional office, I had to be there to supervise the activity. Anyhow, after we went to the site to get the inspector to do her thing, we headed for a quick early lunch. We treated out guest in one of this roadside restos which serve lutong-bahay. We ordered chicken binakol, chopsuey and lumpia shanghai. The food was good but it was nothing compared to the intimate conversation we had with our guest.

Here's her 10:

1. An engineer by profession.
   
2. Used to be in the regional office maintaining the status of a weekend mom and wife.
3. She's been recently relocated to the field office from a regional office assignment.
   
4. She requested for the transfer after her husband met an accident three years ago
   
5. The request for transfer took three years to be granted (it's the bureaucracy...)
6. The husband was paralyzed hip down because of the accident.
   
7. He was on catheter for a year.
   
8. The doctors never thought he could walk again. But because of his conviction, he is now on walker.
   
9. Kept a diary of her family's struggle to keep the faith despite the odds
10. Prefers home cooked meals over fast foods.
    

On the way home
I wanted to engage our driver into conversation but this time, my physical exhaustion from the 8 hours on the road just took its toll on me. I slept around 50% of the way and when I woke up, I felt light headed. Then it was time to disembark and embrace the reality of the office again.

wow... some interesting day... I enjoyed the road trip and the conversations. there's just so many things to know about people's lives. hmmm, i think i would like to do this again... well then, until the next road trip!

Making Amends

A co-worker apologized for cutting me off yesterday. it's been really hot and tense in the office with the BIG event coming. Though no damage has really been done, I admire her for owning her actions and making amends.

The BIG event is driving everyone crazy and it really does not help going to the big office and listening to a lot of ranting and be verbally abused. Then you get back to work feeling more stressed and harassed with very low self esteem. Everything withers. Not even the best pasta in town nor the sumptuous delights of the local deli could be enjoyed as it is.

I'm just glad I'll be relieved of the pressure even just for the day.

wanting what yo couldn't have

i never really seem to know much about sibling rivalry let alone live with one. i have been alone all my life and the only demons i really got to pick a fight with were my different views and personalities. of course i didn't mean that in the psych kind of way but yeah, i have issues which makes me wish i had my fair share of fights growing up.

i got into this mood following the episodes of Brothers and Sisters, the secrets, allies, ganging-up and bullying one another. I never had that. I was loved, cared for and provided for but I wasn't really happy happy.

this is one of those sad days again. and i just kind of miss all the things that i wish i've had in my lifetime.

Weaning Off From the Wrong Kind of Friendship

friends come and go but there are those whose presence continue to linger in our lives even in their absence. we remember them in the food that we eat, the places the we visit, even by the color of the sky on a specific time of day. these are the people whose imprints not only leave a mark in our memory but more deeply into our lives. but the memories are not always good. although, they might have been good at first glance, sometimes, abusive. friends who thrive in your own weaknesses, feeding you all the negative thoughts that make you wallow more into your own misery. friends who are friends of yours because they need a friend. friends who attach themselves to you because you were brought together by circumstances involuntarily, without you even meaning to. but since you are already there and nothing came out wrong, you perceive the arrangement to be right. friends who makes friends with you because of the need to belong, to be in the company of people because they are just not so good at being alone. yes, those kind of friends. the kind of friendship that you so want to end but don't just know how to. their kind make life difficult but nurturing.

growth comes eventually. you struggle to break free from the friendship the first time, you think about it and the thought itself puts you in a very awkward situation, so you put it off hoping that it will eventually get better. the second time, you battle with yourself, thinking that the pain is self-inflicted, shifting the blame on you rather than the friendship, rather than the friend. then you resolve to change you. the third time, you actually try to say something to the friend, in a very indirect manner that something was wrong but manageable. the remark will spew a bit of argument but one which you will be quick to resolve for the fear of confrontation. the fourth time, you try to direct the issue to tangibles, focusing on the sin and not the sinner. with courage, you get to do some rationalization on how something can be done to avoid the sin and reform the sinner. but everything will be non-committal. the fifth time, it will be about feelings. how the whole this is causing havoc to your emotions. that the strain is also taking its toll on you and your effort to put everything together to keep the friendship. the sixth time, would have to be any of four things: 1)you say nothing... do nothing and hope that the friend will get what you mean, 2) you say nothing and walk away 3) you rant, pick the biggest fight of your life, drag the past into the argument, curse the present and stomp the future or 4)you just tell the friend face to face that you want to quite the friendship. then chaos... there might be some resistance and some offensive measure might have to be done. chaos, chaos and more chaos. then when the last breath of fire has been blown, peace...

then there is the void... to many spaces to fill toomany memories to unload. the haunting comes in almost all imaginable forms and you find yourself trapped in malady, tormented by the past. you get hurt, you hurt yourself and worse, you hurt your other relationship. your redemption comes in this package of this self deprecating formula of owning each mistake and embracing every fault. then forgiveness. forgiving the friendship, forgiving the friend and most importantly forgiving yourself. and then, you move on...

time heals all wounds and closure is best prepared when unplanned. the drama of surprise and unguarded moments. the situation forcing the now and briefly forgetting the sordid details of the death of a friendship. you might even laugh about it and wonder how things have fallen adrift. maybe you will become friends again, maybe not. but in any case the past blurs in the background and the now presents a glimmer of hope, an illusion that something good could happen. to do or not to do, to risk or not to risk it. but because there is no certainty, there can never be a right path to go. so good ahead, embrace the consequences and enjoy life's way of strengthening your character.

Deep Breaths.... Sigh

I have not been able to really put my thoughts to writing for weeks now after one trip to another, an emergency after the next.

3 weeks ago, I had tonsillitis. Never a cause of worry for me; I always had it during this time of year since I was a kid. Save for the past 4 years starting from my pregnancy which caused me to be more mindful of my health for the sake of my baby. So when I called my mom and she told me to buy some antibiotics, I just went to the pharmacy and bought whatever was available. I took my first dose of the meds before I slept and when I woke up, I was already feeling some burning sensation all over. I thought it was just the humid weather. But after I ate daing for breakfast, I had rashes all over. What was a simple tonsillitis problem became and allergy problem for me.

So I was in house arrest for two days. The sad part was the hubby brings his laptop to work so I had nothing to tinker on but the TV remote, which was not really of much fun with Boz deciding what goes on TV during his TV time. I was also drowsy most of the time so I practically slept my sick leave days away.

I was back in the office for a day, had enough time to do some paper works then I got sent off to do field work for two days... to Bora! actually! But I didn't really get to enjoy it much because we were there for official business. Had to wake up at 3:00am to catch the 4am bus, meeting at Kalibo, travel to Boracay, meeting again then buzzzzzzzzzz. I hardly found the time to ogle the activities by the shore the next day as we have to grab the earliest bus back home. I had to endure sitting beside a guy with dreadlocks on the boat and a bunch of worker guys who sweat profusely and never bothered to freshen up before boarding the aircon bus. I was really like, close to puking (mental note: bring some candies next time), thank goodness I was able to put myself to sleep!

When I got off the bus, I promised myself a good hearty meal so I dropped by Mrs. Fudge. It's this cafe that Miki and I used to go to during our college days. They've moved and their new location is quite out of the way from my usual work-home room. It's only during these out of town trips that I get to visit it and indulge in their sandwiches and pastries. In this trip, I ordered pancit molo and grilled sandwiches. Yummy!

But I wasn't able to eat leisurely as I hoped I could. The clock was ticking and I had a boat to catch! I finished my meal took two jeepney rides and then I was home, changed my clothes, packed somethings and then I was off again to the pier to catch the 2:45 trip to Bacolod! Miki and Boz took an earlier trip since the original plan was I will just join them the following day, but what the heck! I was home early and early to Bacolod I will be!

Half bad an idea, the dreadlocks, the aircon bus ordeal, plus the rocky boat ride didn't make much of me when I was back on land. It was like zoombie-land for me. It's a good thing I have a hubby who can put up with my blank stares and empty nods. Really comes in handy under such conditions.

That night, I had hoped to get a good night sleep. But Boz had a fever, we gave him paracetamol and in a matter of minutes, he had the rashes again. Waaaaa! we didn't bring his meds! I had to ask Miki to rush to the nearest pharmacy to buy him his meds! It was almost midnight when the rashes subsided. We were already in bed earlier on but sleep was rather light for me and I woke up couple of time to check on Boz.

The next day, Boz rashes was gone, but not my groggy disposition. But we were expected at my grandma's house for our usual weekend gathering. And so, I prepared my siomai mixture, baked a cake for my cousin who was celebrating her 11th birthday and to do all my motherly duties with Boz (the downside about weekend at my moms - we're nanny-less!).

As always, Boz enjoyed playing with my cousins; my aunts by my mother married late the second eldest apo, next to me is just 13 years old! (count out my cousins in manila who we never really got to see often). So Boz is like the youngest apo rather than the apo sa tuhod. Just the same, he is the center of attraction! I like the set-up since it gives me some time to nap in the afternoon while the kids play around and my aunts look after them. Buzzzzz....deep breath...

My travel spree doesn't end there actually. Because the next day, the family decided to go to Mambucal. Miki's been wanting to spend time at the dipping pool. Apparently, it was closed when we got there so we had no choice but to take a plunge at the swimming pool instead. We had lunch at Enting's of Sagay then rolled out our plastic mat at the boating lagoon. Some quiet time we had until Boz got hyper, running around in circles. Then it was again time to go home.

Home... I wasn't ready to go back to Iloilo yet, but Boz had to visit his pedia about his allergy attack and Miki had to go back to work. So the next day, we were again packing things and heading for the pier. When we arrived in Iloilo, we just changed clothes and then we were off to the doctor's clinic.

The next day, I was back in the office, again, for another day before another official travel to Bora, this time, with the bog bosses for a more comprehensive meeting re our upcoming activity. 2 am the following morning, I was already on the road waiting for our ride. When we arrived in Kalibo, we exchanged some pleasantries with the provincial staff then we were off to the road again! Then Bora, the second time around. We arrived...we attended the meeting...we slept. And when we woke up, we grabbed a quick breakfast, took a tour on foot at the beach front and then we were off again. Off the island, back to Kalibo for another meeting, back on the road, home at around 9pm...tired but so glad to be back home.

The following day, we were back at the doctor's clinic for Boz's follow up check up, off to the groceries and then back home. And just this Sunday, I was able to take my much desired long and deep breath and sighs... Wow... I never thought I'd be able to enjoy bumming around this much.