While I was away

I just came back from a work-related trip to Manila and here are some of my notes along the way....

19 Feb

While Waiting for Johnnie

I met Sam, the dog
2 little girls clutching their teddys
2 guys in conversation about house construction
a pretty lady smiling while texting
finally, johnnie....





They Work, I Watch

I've been a missant wife and mom for a week all because of work - encoding and consolidating work and financial data for the region. Now, as I meet up with my colleagues from other regions I find out that I overdid myself. And as my roommates spend the rest of the night working on their reports, I found myself in front of the television, enjoying what shows I've missed during the past few weeks.

Life is good!

21 Feb

Waiting...

Running late but still waiting
why? I wonder
for what purpose
for what reason
know that my patience is wearing-off
and I'm savoring every bit of it.

Memory Bank

I have been away from home for a week now and I have been the self that I was before I was married. Happy? yes, sir! The separation, as always, gave me time to do the things that motherhood has deprived me of. A woman needs to nurture her personal space once in a while.

Here are some vignettes of what I want to remember about this trip:

1. First cultural tour of Manila. Nanaks had this great idea of us spending the Saturday touring the cultural spots of old Manila. So we went to the National Museum and on the way took pictures of old buildings, Lapu-Lapu's ass and more pictures of anonymous people busying themselves with their bonding moments.
   
2. Jump Shots. Nanaks took a picture of me jumping, funny. She and Ray are trying to build-up their collection of jump shots to every place they've been. Hmmm, I think I want to start one of my own too.
   
3. Mall of Asia. We went to the Mall of Asia. Nanaks told me that it is the 3rd largest in Asia, the first two being in China. It was like the City Center in Dubai. But since I didn't have shopping money, I really didn't feel like visiting the stores. Nonetheless, I enjoyed the ambiance.
4. Bonding with colleagues. I learned so much about the scenarios in other regions, how directions are set and how much support they are getting from their superiors.
   
5. Drink, sing and dance. I am not really a party animal but if there is anything that I enjoy most it is singing. That with a little wine and a few dance moves *giggles*.
   
6. Gifts. Jim gave us roses, Ate Edit gave me chichacorn, Sei gave me a cellphone charm. Nice people.
7. Dine out. Starbucks, Seattle's Best, Man Hann, Mannnang's, Wendy's. yum yum yum

Alas it is time to go home.

Daily Dose of Toxin

Toxin, according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary is a poisonous substance that is a specific product of the metabolic activities of a living organism and is usually very unstable, notably toxic when introduced into the tissues, and typically capable of inducing antibody formation.

So, toxins could kill right?

I found out today that I am never productive in a nagging environment. All the negative emotions sulk the best of me. And to be a recipient of negative energy early in the morning ruins the great workplan I have for the day.

Hay.... it's going be to be a toxic day but not as toxic as my pre-planning workshop days. I'm still dealing with encoding stuff but at least now, I don't have to worry about a boss who's good at pointing out the not good enoughs portion of my work. I still worry about deadlines, but what the hell, I'm here to enjoy myself too!

That being said, I'm ready to work!

Working for Work

Finally, it's over! Two weeks of doing and redoing my presentation materials and getting rescheduled twice drained out all the energy in me leaving me well too tired to even enjoy my favorite show on TV on a Tuesday night. While it ended in a happy note, I felt a whole bunch of negative emotions during the whole process.

1. Apprehension. Life would have been easy if I didn't have to think about doing and redoing my materials because of the late submissions and the change in format that I effected if only to capture what my boss really wanted to see during the planning workshop.
2. Out casted. Unlike the field officers who get to do the dirty work that our job requires, I am detailed at the regional office consolidating reports, reprimanding everyone for not spending their budget, critiquing their reports. And during planning workshops like this, I feel like I am an outcast, not really having a say on stuff that one can discuss from experience. Terms like benchmarking missions, consultancy in pricing and costing, they are all just words to me devoid of the happy feelings that the staff get when they talk about their experience with passion.
   
3. Demeaned. I did my best, but i guess my best wasn't good enough... so the song goes. And that was what I actually felt while I was presenting during the planning workshop. Not good enough because I sulked at the copy-paste method and had some figures on the wrong tables. Not good enough because my presentation lacked the analysis that I should have included. Not good enough. not good enough.
   
4. Overworked. The bulk of info that I presented during the activity triggered a whole lot of demand from the other bosses. Yes, and they've made their deadlines clear. Notwithstanding my impending travel to Manila next week to attend a national planning thing.
   
5. Unmotivated. I get general instructions which I execute in my capacity. Then I get told that I could have done it this way and that. I am asked to justify stuff that I have no first hand experience of. My boss sneaks into my staff meeting and says that he wanted to give some directions because, anyway, we don't really have anything more to do.
   

But the area visit with the staff provided a diversion. We laughed, talked about personal stuff, shared stories on the way to the area. It was bonding time which made me feel like I'm not an outcast after all. Work-wise, the visit opened doors for potential linkages and resource sharing among the staff.

So now I go back to work. I face my computer, encode stuff, work on presentation materials, follow-up requests, finish some liquidation and paperwork. But now I'm not so sure anymore if my work can still make a better person out of me at the end of each day. It's a struggle that I will hold for the moment. I don't know for how much longer. Unless work becomes more than work, it must be the end of my three-year work syndrome. Perhaps, it's time.

In Exigency of Service

Lea, my former supervisor was detailed to one of our provincial offices due to, as they call it in government, in exigency of service. The call came at a rather timely manner as she just came from a seminar/ workshop on graft and corruption and how it persists in government. The arrangement for her new assignment would be that she would hold the post for six months. It was a tall order on her part considering that the new assignment is in Bacolod and she is very much from Iloilo. Taller even because her husband was the sickly type, two boys in college, a father who's got Alzheimer's and basically a family that depended on her presence. But she said yes because of, well, in exigency of service.

And so Lea said yes and took on the assignment. Another colleague, also a close friend, was to go with her as reinforcement to the provincial workforce and, well, as a come-on to the offer maybe. Things were difficult at home but work was better for her. She's in lesser pressure, she was talking more to her staff, and she was basically in a healthy working environment!

Come the end of the 6 months, she was asked to stay for another six. Family matters took a swift turn with her husband finally deciding to retire early due to his medical condition, her son had to go home from Manila from a call center job, also due to medical reasons, her mother suddenly died leaving her father to the care of his children. In all these developments, she was using up her leave credits and becoming tardy for work. But she still did it, in exigency of service.

Nearing the end of her second term, they found out that her husband was losing his kidney and needed a new one. He's had two major operations (heart bypass and angioplasty) since their marriage and he's been living with many other illnesses so far. In fact, the kidney condition is an effect for his tuberculosis treatment. Because of this, Lea decided to write our director a letter of intent to return to her official station so she can attend to her sick husband and resume normal family life. The director was mum. The New Year started. And Lea is to serve another six months in the province.

Now her husband is in the hospital. He's got the driver taking care of his needs in the morning and his son at night. And all this has to happen in exigency of service. Damn!

I just feel her sadness and helplessness. She loves her husband but she couldn't be with him 24/7 because she's got to be away 4 days a week. And she has to spend her nights dreaming of happy things so she doesn't have to look gloomy in the mornings with her eye-bags sagging and all.

I am angry at the insensitivity of some people who brought this fate to her. She took the job that nobody else would have wanted and now that she wants off, she can't.

But there is really nothing that can be done at the moment but to wait, wait for the coming of the end of 6 months and the chance to reappeal her case. Waiting for the crying to stop. Waiting for the ill-fate to go away. All in exigency of service.