I was reading through sacred space last week and I came across this phrase – monkey thoughts. It refers to pictures, tunes and stories clambering all around us, chattering and distracting us from our centre. Cool term, I suppose; one that actually bears truth in my current lifestyle. Occasionally, I would get this feel of inadequacy despite the many things that I should be grateful for – a job that pays the bills, techi stuff, two houses I consider as homes, a loving family, food on the table, the good life! Yet, there is this emptiness that comes from not doing more, giving more and learning more. So I make a mental note of things to do: pray more, write more and read more. Then as I proceed with the day’s preoccupation, I get sidetracked. It takes shape in every opportunity it could take.
Just this Friday.
Woke up late, no time to say my morning prayers, hurry to the bathroom. While in the bathroom, I could hear the radio playing a Christmas song. My mind wanders off to making plans for Christmas. Hmmmmm, what’s it gonna be this year? I have to plan my Christmas gifts! Should I bake or should I just buy goodies? Where will we be spending Christmas this year? …. The planning continues until it is abruptly interrupted by the realization that it’s almost 8:00am! Friday today…I still got 30mins but I have to come in early so I could also leave early. Speaking of Friday, what should I do this weekend? I think I will do crepes, I love crepes! I’ve been meaning to make that apple pie filling for days…. I should be doing it this weekend…
Arriving at the office, I complained about the heat, it’s “ber” month but the air is humid as it is. Will we have rains tonight? I’m early (!) and to think it’s nearly 8:30am and there are only two of us in our division of 7 employees! Turns out two were absent, one called in to be late and the others, well, I wouldn’t be hearing from them until a little later. Small talk before working on the official matters of the day, we heard of news about the health condition of an officemate, she’s got breast cancer but cannot proceed with chemotherapy treatment just yet because of complications. She’s a good person, why should she be inflicted with such disease? Boz and I should pray for her tonight…
I turn my computer on, no internet connection just yet. I look through some documents on my desk for something worthwhile to do but found nothing. It’s one of those days again, when I am required to do the monotonous because that’s what I get paid for. I tinker the computer, still no internet connection. Sigh… I think this means I should be working now. I look for the articles that I needed to post on our web blog. Leaf through the pages… sigh, boring, boring, boring, boring…but essential, essential, essential. O well, it’s necessary, so be it. Now I am remembering my MBA research paper! When will I ever get to finish it? Make a mental note to call the dean’s office before the start of the semester. How many times have I told myself to do this? Forget it! just make sure it gets done this time! While reading through the business proposals for posting, my thoughts drift back to my paper, how can I improve it? Should I change my topic or should I proceed with what I have already started? Why am I not the least interested about it, anyhow? Continue encoding, didn’t even notice the server was already up until my cellphone beeped and a provincial staff asked why I was not online. Muttering… you again? Why do you always have to ask me questions? Uhm, because she has to?... because she is new? And because it’s my job to answer those questions? Hahahahahhaaha! Driving me crazy again. But it’s part of the job so I just have to do the breathing exercises to feel better about the whole thing.
Lunch! Alas! time to go home! Scorching heat, why of all time did I forget my umbrella? Well, at least I’ve got my sunglasses! Actually, two of them stuffed inside my bag! Silly me! The hubby gave me this bundle of money to be deposited to a business partner’s account in LBP. Gave me instructions, am I just being edgy or is he bossing me around? Grarrrrr! I hate going out of the office when it’s hot, I hate going to the bank to deposit other people’s money, I hate, I hate, I hate! But I’m going to do it anyway…
Go back to the office. I am late! By one minute! Wow! How odd is that? Entered the office and announced to everyone of my hapless state, which just made them all laugh about it. Finish the last of my encoding for the Guimaras article, do the layout. 1:32pm, I think I should be going to the bank now. Asked permission to go to the bank. Went out, wearing shades, still no umbrella. Why did I forget that umbrella again?
In the bank, I learned that I filled out the wrong form so I had to it over again. It was off-line. What? Will you say that again? So you mean I get to wait until the system’s online and my interbranch deposit be accepted? O well, I think I can handle it. Look for a place to sit down. Now my mind is idle again. It wandered through the faces of the people inside the bank, to the Muslim ladies who crowded the counter waiting for their names to be called. They had to be told a couple of times to sit down because their standing does not help. My attention is diverted to this Pfizer guy. Is he too neat to be straight? Hahahhahaha! Then to the
I was served at around 2:45pm! Went back to the office to finish off my web blog entry. I finished my work by 4pm. Still got time to download additional stuff before Miki arrives. Surfed the net, idle time, idle mind… wandering off again. whew! The rest is history!
So, it happens to me everyday, getting entangled in my daily dose of monkey thoughts. And what do I do about it? well, I get immersed and I get lost. And I end up with the same dilemma of the day that passed. There is this emptiness that comes from not doing more, giving more and learning more. So again, I make a mental note of things to do: pray more, write more and read more. Then as I proceed with the day’s preoccupation, I get sidetracked. It takes shape in every opportunity it could take…
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