Monday, February 24, 2014

The Fault in Our Stars

"What a slut time is. She screws everybody.”

The Fault In Our Stars is a teenage love story. But if you are a parent, it's hard reading this story without having to think of how far you would will yourself to sacrifice for the sake of your sick child. It's just heart breaking. It hurts to see your child suffer the consequences of something that is not of his or even your own doing. That your lot is predetermined and all you can do is live with it, cope with it and hope that you can buy yourself some time to accept the inevitable. And when it's time, no matter how hard you've psyched yourself up that things are happening for the better, you still find yourself hopeful. That you had another day, another chance, another free pass. Then you fall into the pit of rethinking things over and over again, analyzing what you could have done differently to alter the course of things. 


The ordeal that Gus and Hazel Grace had to go through, it's tough. To be sick for a very long time and have practice-dying episodes over and over again, will definitely give you a different perspective of dying. You get to become one of the few lucky ones who get to embrace the eventuality of their demise and really prepare for it. I guess this is where the value of a support group figures into the picture. When you are sick, beyond anything that you can handle, you look for help, where help is available. You need all the reinforcement that you can get to help you fortify your resolve, to give you that outlook that keeps you afloat amidst the bitter realities of your illness. With their help, the pain will be more bearable and you will begin to see things in a more rational manner. Then you get to start planning things, pick what you want to wear for your own funeral, be in on the decision making on how you would want things to go the day you leave. Even hold your own pre-funeral eulogy which I think is sad, but makes perfect sense. After all, shouldn't the departed hear what people around him is supposed to say about him while he is still present? It really struck a chord for me. With my mom diagnosed with cancer, it led me to thinking how I'd eulogize her and how much of what I would have wanted to say I've already told her while she is still here.We're not really people who like to talk about dying or making plans for how things should be dealt with when it's time to go. I would not want her to think that I'd love to see her go. But if I'd have it my way, I would want her to know, in a few words or so, how much she means to me and how her loss would leave a void in my life that none could ever replace.

The Fault In Our Stars  also made me realize that losing my son and my husband could be the death of me. I don't know if I would ever survive it knowing that as I think about it now, I could picture my whole world crumbling down and me sinking into an oblivion I would not want to resurface from.

I'd like to say a prayer for all the families out there battling cancer. I pray for strength so they could carry on and resolve to move forward. Keep the faith! 




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