9 April 2006
I remember being angry at myself for allowing others to push me into doing things I didn’t want to do. I just didn’t have the guts to say “no” and fighting my position. Perhaps I was young, and I didn’t have the grasp of the concept of choice, or so I thought. I allowed myself to be coaxed at sex because I didn’t have the courage to tell my partner that I didn’t want it. I didn’t know how to verbalize my feelings and I was afraid that saying “no” would lead to a whole discussion of whys and I would just complicate things. Stupid huh? But I guess that is why they call love stupid. Makes you do things you don’t want to do for the fear of losing the other.
Last night, I said “no”. I had no regrets and it felt good.