Thursday, May 10, 2007

Weaning Off From the Wrong Kind of Friendship

friends come and go but there are those whose presence continue to linger in our lives even in their absence. we remember them in the food that we eat, the places the we visit, even by the color of the sky on a specific time of day. these are the people whose imprints not only leave a mark in our memory but more deeply into our lives. but the memories are not always good. although, they might have been good at first glance, sometimes, abusive. friends who thrive in your own weaknesses, feeding you all the negative thoughts that make you wallow more into your own misery. friends who are friends of yours because they need a friend. friends who attach themselves to you because you were brought together by circumstances involuntarily, without you even meaning to. but since you are already there and nothing came out wrong, you perceive the arrangement to be right. friends who makes friends with you because of the need to belong, to be in the company of people because they are just not so good at being alone. yes, those kind of friends. the kind of friendship that you so want to end but don't just know how to. their kind make life difficult but nurturing.

growth comes eventually. you struggle to break free from the friendship the first time, you think about it and the thought itself puts you in a very awkward situation, so you put it off hoping that it will eventually get better. the second time, you battle with yourself, thinking that the pain is self-inflicted, shifting the blame on you rather than the friendship, rather than the friend. then you resolve to change you. the third time, you actually try to say something to the friend, in a very indirect manner that something was wrong but manageable. the remark will spew a bit of argument but one which you will be quick to resolve for the fear of confrontation. the fourth time, you try to direct the issue to tangibles, focusing on the sin and not the sinner. with courage, you get to do some rationalization on how something can be done to avoid the sin and reform the sinner. but everything will be non-committal. the fifth time, it will be about feelings. how the whole this is causing havoc to your emotions. that the strain is also taking its toll on you and your effort to put everything together to keep the friendship. the sixth time, would have to be any of four things: 1)you say nothing... do nothing and hope that the friend will get what you mean, 2) you say nothing and walk away 3) you rant, pick the biggest fight of your life, drag the past into the argument, curse the present and stomp the future or 4)you just tell the friend face to face that you want to quite the friendship. then chaos... there might be some resistance and some offensive measure might have to be done. chaos, chaos and more chaos. then when the last breath of fire has been blown, peace...

then there is the void... to many spaces to fill toomany memories to unload. the haunting comes in almost all imaginable forms and you find yourself trapped in malady, tormented by the past. you get hurt, you hurt yourself and worse, you hurt your other relationship. your redemption comes in this package of this self deprecating formula of owning each mistake and embracing every fault. then forgiveness. forgiving the friendship, forgiving the friend and most importantly forgiving yourself. and then, you move on...

time heals all wounds and closure is best prepared when unplanned. the drama of surprise and unguarded moments. the situation forcing the now and briefly forgetting the sordid details of the death of a friendship. you might even laugh about it and wonder how things have fallen adrift. maybe you will become friends again, maybe not. but in any case the past blurs in the background and the now presents a glimmer of hope, an illusion that something good could happen. to do or not to do, to risk or not to risk it. but because there is no certainty, there can never be a right path to go. so good ahead, embrace the consequences and enjoy life's way of strengthening your character.


  1. hi roxie. your dilemma is something i can very well relate. you know, there are just these people who, at some points in our lives, seem to gives us nothing but negative thoughts on life. i realized i cannot live that negative way anymore, so i call it quits with them. better wean myself from them sooner that i thought of it, before it's too late.

    i hope you too can eventually wean from these not-so worth it people.

  2. yes feng... i don't really have much problem with that now. i just remembered it last night talking with a friend about his ex. sad no? but life goes on for all of us.

  3. hi roxie. good to know it's beyond you na. yes indeed, life goes on. :)

    by the way, am dropping by here to greet you a Happy Mothers day. Sunday will be quite busy and pampering day for us so I thought to greet you in advance. let's all be proud of it, right?


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